What is woman/womyn? What does it mean to be this thing? How are we supposed to navigate in this world? We are pressured to be beautiful, yet not too much so, lest we be viewed haughty and vain. We are demanded to be bright and charming, yet not too much so, lest we be branded intimidating and brash. We are forced to be oozing sexual chutzpah, yet not too much so, lest we be thought of as whores. Vaginal laser surgery, breast implants, botox on your lunch hour, permanent makeup, face-lifts, butt-lifts, cellulite reduction, anti-aging creams-creams for the eyes, the mouth, the neck, the hands-sun spot removal, electrolysis, and let us not forget the illustrious bikini wax. Can I get a witness?
Thusly, it is exhausting being this thing called womyn...and expensive (ah, capitalism). However, it is only such, if we allow it. I have said NO to this hegemonic structure. I have been slowly saying NO for 10 years. It took me awhile. I grew up in a fishbowl existence where my self-centered fear of people watching me, was not entirely inaccurate. It happened-the Preying-over and over again. The power was taken from me at a young age.
Our young women are not being fully nurtured and held closely to our hearts. What is happening? When are we going to learn? One out of every six women have been victims of an attempted or completed rape at some point in their life. 9 out of 10 rape victims are female. Every 2 seconds someone is sexually assaulted and 44% of sexual assault and rape victims are under the age of 18 (see www.rainn.org). Our girls are hurting. We need to protect our girls. We need to give them permission to live full bright lives, whatever shape that takes. We need to give them permission to be human and embrace their size, shape, and color. This is so paramount to our future. We do not live in a vacuum. We are interconnected, all of us, every single thing on this planet.
This has been made abundantly clear to me in the last few months, shockingly so. It is so stunning, this stark reality, that sometimes all I can do is break down and weep for all the daughters and sons, the parents, the sisters, the brothers, all of us. But I don't weep from a place of fatigue and bitterness. I weep because I realize we are hurting, we are suffering. This planet, this life hurts. There is pain that I have experienced and there is pain I will never even know about. But, when one follows the path all the way down, digging deep into the core of all that is-tracking the path from violence into the stillness of nonviolence-one becomes a conduit of wholly integrated compassion. And it is there where the beauty lies. It is there where the hope resides. It is there where the freedom resides. Freedom from anger, fear, desperation, isolation. Because within the still small place is a haven called sacred interconnectedness. This is the liberation. This is Freedom.
i met you at B & N tonight and now i'm following you...in a metaphorical, digital way. my contact info is up on my blogger profile page but i'll wipe it in a week or two most likely. maybe i'll hear from you and we can meet for coffee sometime, a change of pace from all the children we're surrounded by.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I appreciate my wonderful wife so much. She has never worn make-up. She has never followed what is considered to be in style for clothing, and comfort is the most important factor. She never wears dresses. She has never had cosmetic surgery. She even kept her last name after we were married 9 1/2 years ago because she felt it would be too weird to change her name. She is 33 years old, like myself, with less than 10 gray hairs on her head. What does she plan on doing with these gray hairs? Absolutely nothing, just as I will do about my hair. If it is time for us to go gray, then that is that. She is natural and beautiful, and I'm so glad that she doesn't spend a dime on all these demeaning beauty products that tend to make women look worse anyway. We have a 3 year old, and she's now 23 weeks pregnant with our second child. I think she is so beautiful as a pregnant woman. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to end up with such a wonderful, genuine natural wife.
ReplyDeleteSo Felicia, you wouldn't happen to be the Parazaider family member that grew up in Encino and went to the 1st Presbyterian Church of Encino, just like me, would you? If so I have some fond memories of you, and if you'd like me to write about them or just chat, my email is:
scott@scottiblings.com
I'd be very surprised if you remember me. I remember how you played the piano, and your sister Laura helped out with Sunday school classes sometimes. My most important memories have to do with how sweet you were, and it looks like you're still looking out and caring for other fellow human beings, so that's awesome! Please keep it up!
You quote a figure of one in six women are raped or sexually assaulted, and I have seen this figure before. However, I really believe the actual statistic is one in three or one in four. Most of the women I have met have been raped or assaulted at some point in their lives, often by someone they knew. Many do not talk about it, especially at the time of the incident, and it does not get reported to the police. Rape is defined as "non-consensual forcible sexual intercourse" meaning one could have forcible but consensual sex and it is not considered rape (which is why all those famous rape cases have focused on consent).
ReplyDeleteJust a thought...
Felicia, we met in line at Naomi Klein's talk to have her sign our books, and afterwards you gave me a ride to my car. I enjoyed our conversation and would like to meet for coffee sometime - drop me a line at po8dancer@yahoo.com.